Ivan Ramirez

 

 

English 1A

 

 

3/21/14

 

 

Ms. Fleisher

 

 

 

Concussions in Soccer?

 

 

 

 



 

 



Ivan Ramirez

English 1A

3/21/14

Concussions in Soccer?

            Concussions are something that is very common everywhere but are also something not to take lightly. Concussions often lead to worse injuries such as permanent memory loss, and may even cause retardation if left untreated. They occur with hard contact or collision to the head and some of the symptoms are memory loss and dizziness. Concussions occur more often in more physical sports such as football and hockey. These types of sports have constant collisions within players and have a lot of head banging that goes along with it. The thing that many people may not know is that there are also many concussions that happen in soccer. Many people think that soccer is a relatively safe sport and that the only true harm it causes is to your legs. But in reality it is one of the sports where concussions happen more frequently. I made a clay brain for my Three-D rhetorical object to spread awareness of the amount of concussions in reality occur in soccer.  In this paper I will be explaining what my artifact represents along with the materials I used and why I chose those certain materials.

            My brain consists of clay and it is basically two parts. On one side of the brain I have medical tape rapped around it representing damage and a concussion. The other half of the brain is normal which represents no harm and a completely healthy brain. One the injured half of the brain I have all the soccer players from Sacramento State that got concussions during the season and on the healthy side I have all the soccer players that did not have a concussion or any harm done to their head what so ever. I cut out their faces from our team picture and glued them onto there brain to show people a more and better visualization on how common concussions do occur in soccer. On the top middle of the brain I put a big S representing Sacramento State and wrote soccer underneath it to show people that this is a real life example and that soccer team at Sacramento State is a prime example of just how frequent concussions are in soccer. I outlined parts of the brain in black to add more detail and I chose the color black due to the fact that concussions are not a laughing matter and that they are not a good thing. Black isn’t known to be a happy playful color which is why I again chose the color black for the outlines.

            I chose to make the brain out of clay because it has the same texture and softness that a real life brain would have. I did not want to make the brain out of a hard substance due oi the fact that it would not have been as realistic and did not represent a brain well. I chose medical tape out all types of tape due to the fact that we are always around medical tape. Soccer players see or use medical tape on the daily. Weather it is to tape up your ankles before practice or tape an injury during a game, we use it on the daily. I also thought it represented an injured brain well. I used real life pictures of the players on the team because I believe that it will send the message I am trying to convey in a more effective way. People may know some of the players on the team that have gotten concussions and may become more interested in the issue. Looking at the faces of people who have actually gone through this, sends a more effective message compared to just statistics or stick figures. I made a large S and placed it at the top of the brain and made it green, because of course it is our school’s main color.

            The size of my object is not very big, it is about the same size as a brick. I did not want to make the brain too big because I wanted to keep it somewhat realistic. I wanted to make it about the same size and actual human brain is. The texture of the brain is a little rough and bumpy because a real brain is bumpy as well. A real brain has a lot of cresses that go around it, I tried to imitate it as close as possible. The intended audience for my project is anybody who is interested or unaware of the likelihood of concussions in soccer. I did not really target a specific audience, I just made it so that anybody is opened to it. I try to use and emotional appeal to persuade people to become more aware by placing actual pictures of the players. Seeing real life people will make people feel a little bit of pity and hopefully make them more concerned about the ongoing issue.

            The biggest message that my artifact displays is the awareness of concussions and that’s what I was going for. I think that my concussed brain does a very good job of conveying the message or spreading out the awareness. It is easy to tell which side of the brain is concussed and people will be surprised of how many concussions happened throughout just one team. It will be spreading the awareness of it and will hopefully catch a few peoples interest.

            I think that this way of conveying or sending a message is the most effective compared to the other three genres that we displayed. They are similar and different in many different ways. They are similar because they are all ultimately sending the same message and they all have to do with the soccer part of concussions, compared to other sports. They are also similar because they all use words to get across the message, all four genres had at least a few words when trying to convey there message. But they are also different in many ways as well, some used words more than others and others used more of a visual aspect to send the message. I believe that the three-D artifact sends the message the strongest and is the most effective because it makes the spectator think more and really challenges them to figure out what the message is. It forces them to analyze more critically and makes them think much deeper compared to just reading words or watching a video.

            Overall, I enjoyed making my concussed brain and I believe it does the job that I wanted it to do. I did not really go through any hard obstacles when making the brain, the hardest part for me was thinking about the idea. I struggled a lot thinking of things I could make that would send a strong enough message to the viewer. I constantly changed ideas until I stumbled upon this one. My biggest success is the fact that I am satisfied with its appearance and believe it sends the message or awareness I wanted to get across in an effective way. I believe that I deserve a B or a C in this assignment because I put a lot of work into my brain and I think it does send out awareness about concussions in soccer. It is not like it’s a completely irrelevant object, I believe my brain does what it needs to get done and does it in an interesting way as well.

 

 

My object that I will be creating is a brain that brings awareness to both concussions and how concussions affect both individuals and a team overall. My brain will be made out of the following materials: Plato, medical tape, Clothes, player pictures, and electrical tape.

 

 

Plato: I chose Plato because it is soft and it represents a human brain in the fact that they are both tender and very sensitive. It represents an average brain well in many aspects.

 

 

Player Pictures: I chose to put actual players pictures that got concussions and who haven't. It will give you a real perspective on how common concussions are and it shows you actual people who have gotten them.

 

Medical Tape: Medical tape because we are always around it and put it on all the time, weather it is for practice or games it is always around us.

 

Green Clothes: Green clothes for the S because we were wearing our green jersey when our major concussion of the season occurred.

 

Black electrical Tape: Black tape  because it shows hoe dark certain parts of our season were and it shows you how all these negative things affected our season.

 



 

Ivan Ramirez

 

 

 

Everyday Writer (SWA)

 

 

        This reading covered many information that proved to be a critical thing to learn. One of the biggest things that the section covered was explaining what a rhetorical situation is, which is all the elements surrounding any type of communication. He explained it by comparing it to a triangle and incorporated the text, the audience, and the communication along with it. he also went over critical reading and gave us many tips for it. For example, previewing the text before reading it. He also shows graphs to show his message and had many other tips that came along with both of these concepts.



 



Ivan Ramirez

English 1A

3/5/14

Ms. Fleischer

Writing Styles    Draft 3        

There are many different styles of writing and different ways on sending out messages rather than just text on a piece of paper. There are thousands of different genres of writing that help us both communicate and advertise things that we may not notice them when we see them. You can communicate through twitter, Facebook, ads, signs, etc. These are all different genres of text that we use and see daily, it is amazing how many different tecniques, genres, and styles there are out there available to us when trying to send out a message. Being able to analyze all the different genres is a very important skill to have. It is important for many reasons, for example to just simply understand what’s going on. Many people get lost or confused when reading a piece of literature or even finding out the meaning behind a picture. Being able to analyze and annotate these different genres will definitely help you now and in the long run. The three different types of genres I selected for this paper are all very different. One of them is a 2013 Hornet Soccer schedule and media guide, the other is a You Tube video that recaps one of our games, and my last one is an Academic journal about soccer and all the concussions that come along with playing a sport. I think all of these topic tie in together and gives you a taste on how our season really did go. You see some of our highlights and I wanted to talk about concussions due to the fact that we had many last fall. We had a total of five concussions last fall which had a great impact to our season, this is the reason all three are related or tied into our season. In this paper I will compare and contrast between the genres.

            The form and layout of each of these genres is completely different and they all have their own way on delivering a message. My first type of genre is our 2013 soccer schedule and media guide that informs everybody where and when each of our games are. It is green all around and it has action shots of some of our players. At the very top of the poster is one of our players celebrating a goal and as you look underneath him you see the rest of them. There are a total of seven players in the media guide that gives you excitement and joy for the upcoming season. My second type of genre is a You Tube video recapping one of our games against UC Davis. There are a lot of visuals in the genre due to the fact that it is a video and it not only shows highlights, but also some of the most impactful moments throughout the game. It plays music throughout the video which also adds excitement. The third piece of writing is the academic journal talking about concussions in soccer. The article is pretty plain, but does have a logo at the top of the paper and covers the material well.

            The tone of the soccer schedule and media guide I feel comes off as loud and aggressive. It come off as loud because there are a lot of bright colors and people that makes it easy to look at and gets your attention easily. It also has bold lettering which adds to the loud aspect of it and all the game faces make it aggressive because they are action shots, not smiling people. The video has a much different tone compared to the media guide. It is more of an informative and exciting type of tone. Informative because it shows you the main events that happened throughout the game, which basically allows you to have an idea of how to game went. Exciting because you are watching footage and makes you feel a part of the game. The tone of the article is more informative than anything. It gives us information about concussions and gives us an estimate of how many soccer players actually do get them, which personally left me curious. It left me a little curious because I play soccer and it made me wonder if it’s only a matter of time if I’m going to get a concussion.

            A very important part when delivering a message is the language you use in them, the style in which you deliver it, and your use of visuals. The media guide and soccer schedule do a very good job at the use of their visuals and the style in which they draw you in. The action shots of the players are used to catch your attention and will eventually lead you to take a look at the schedule. The intended readers for these are anybody who wants to go out and watch a soccer game. They are not really targeting anybody in particular. The video also uses very good use of their visuals and also delivers the recap very well. Bryson Hotano plays music which keeps you interested and adds excitement to particular moments in the game. This also does not target a particular group, it is meant to whoever is interested on how the Sacramento State Hornets did. The article only has one visual but delivers it good too. It is on the top of the page which usually makes it the first thing people see. The information within the article was delivered strong and used many examples which kept the reader entertained.

            The authors for the academic journal are Barry. P Boden, Donald T. Kirkendall, and William E. Garrett.  Barry P. Boden and William E. Garrett both received their PHDs and Donald T. Kirkendall received his MD. These are very credible sources due to their knowledge and the amount of evidence they showed. They proved that concussions is soccer are more common than expected and proclaimed. They studied seven mens and womans soccer teams and saw how many got concussions and what caused the concussions. There were twenty-nine athletes that eventually obtained a concussions and these men also figured out the cause of each concussions. The highlight video against UC Davis was made by Bryson Hatano and he is also a very credible source. He has made many highlight videos for all sports here at Sacramento State and is an employee here at CSUS. The media guide and schedule is also very credible due to the fact that it was made by people here in our own athletic department. All the things it says within it is accurate and the schedule itself is also very true.

            The purpose of the media guide and schedule is to inform you about all the games throughout the season along with making you excited for the upcoming season. Which will hopefully persuade you to attend more games. The bright colors, bold face letters, and players catch your attention and the way its set up makes it look like an event that you would not want to miss. The highlight video also does a very good job at informing about the game. The purpose of the video is to give you an idea of how the game played out. Many things make the video effective. One of the main things that I have already mentioned is the music that is played throughout the video. It adds excitement to the viewer and it does a good job of informing you about the game. The purpose of the academic journal is too inform you about concussions in soccer and to give you an understanding on potentially how dangerous it can be. The amount of evidence the article had and the fact that they had an experiment made the article effective to me. It kept my attention throughout the whole article and did a good job of informing me as well.

            Out of the three genres I believe that the academic journal had the most effective message. I believe it had the most effective message because it covered a topic that many people think is important and it provides much evidence that give soccer players like me think twice before going in for a hard tackle. The genre that I thought gave the least effective message was the highlight video of Sacramento State versus UC Davis. I thought it was the weakest because it was just a highlight video and it was about a past event. I thought it did a very good job at informing the reader and keeping them entertained, but it definitely had the weakest message. The message of the video is simply the score of the game, which is why I believe it did have the weakest message. There are different genres that give the same message, but here are also many of the same type of genre that are very different and similar. This is the case because the information within that specific genre can be very different to what the other contains. The style of it could also make the difference on how the message is received which makes a total difference and makes both similar genres completely different.

            There is a huge difference between the genre, message, and delivery. The genre of anything is what type of text it is or what type of style something is. For example, is it an ad, a paper, or article? The message is the information the type of genre was giving you, what was it persuading you to do. Finally the delivery is how the message was given. Did the genre have color? Bold face words? Did it catch my attention? All these questions are answered by the delivery of the genre. All three of these aspects work together to send across one message but are very different. Each one is very different and are all independently important when trying to send a message. But they cannot work without each other when trying to successfully send a message.

            I do believe that the types of texts we read do affect us both as individuals and a society. Reading makes you sad, angry, and sometimes even excited which may or may not affect your actions later. Some ads make us very angry and some ads make us want to jump out of our seat. Rarely do people go through reading a text or add without feeling some sort of emotion. Reading affects all of us whether we like it or not and is something that has gone on for many years and may more years to come.

            Overall I believe that all three genres were effective in their own ways and my opinion on the most effective one might be different in your opinion. All genres are more or less effective to different people. Having different types of genres keeps things interesting and gives people different options on how they want to release a message. Like I said before, it’s not just paper and ink now a days. There are so many ways now like twitter, Facebook, commercials and many other ones. I believe that this just shows us on how we are growing and how far we’ve come. I believe that as years go by we will be creating new and creative ways to send messages. Hopefully there will be plenty of new genres and styles in the future that we could add to the list.

Ivan Ramirez

English 1A

3/5/14

Ms. Fleischer

Writing Styles    Draft 2

            There are many different styles of writing and different ways on sending out messages rather than just text on a piece of paper. There are thousands of different genres of writing that help us both communicate and advertise things that we may not even notice them when we see them. You can communicate through twitter, Facebook, adds, signs, etc. These are all different genres of text that we use and see daily, it is amazing how many different tecniques, genres, and styles there are out there available to us when trying to send out a message. Being able to analyze all the different genres is a very important skill to have. It is important for many reasons, for example to just simply understand what’s going on. Many people get lost or confused when reading a piece of literature or even finding out the meaning behind a picture. Being able to analyze and annotate these different genres will definitely help you now and in the long run. The three different types of genres I selected for this paper are all very different. One of them is or 2013 Hornet Soccer schedule and media guide, the other is a You Tube video that recaps one of our games, and my last one is an Academic journal about soccer and all the concussions that come along with paying the sport.

            The form and layout of each of these genres is completely different and they all have their own way on delivering a message. My first type of genre is our 2013 soccer schedule and media guide that informs everybody where and when each of our games are. It is green all around and it has action shots of some of our players. At the very top of the poster is one of our players celebrating a goal and as you look underneath him you see the rest of them. There are a total of seven players in the media guide that gives you excitement and joy for the upcoming season. My second type of genre is a You Tube video recapping one of our games against UC Davis. There are a lot of visuals in the genre due to the fact that it is a video and it not only shows highlights, but also some of the most impactful moments throughout the game. It plays music throughout the video which also adds excitement. The third piece of writing is the academic journal talking about concussions in soccer. The article is pretty plane, but does have a logo at the top of the paper and covers the material well.

            The tone of the soccer schedule and media guide I feel comes off as loud and aggressive. It come off as loud because there are a lot of bright colors and people that makes it easy to look at and gets your attention easily. It also has bold lettering which adds to the loud aspect of it and all the game faces make it aggressive because they are action shots, not smiling people. The video has a much different tone compared to the media guide. It is more of an informative and exciting type of tone. Informative because it shows you the main events that happened throughout the game, which basically allows you to have an idea of how to game went. Exciting because you are watching footage and makes you feel a part of the game. Even though I played in the game, I still got excited at the moments where we did good things and disappointed at our bad moments. The tone of the article is more informative than anything. It gives us information about concussions and gives us an estimate of how many soccer players actually do get them, which personally left me curious. It left me a little curious because I play soccer and it made me wonder if it’s only a matter of time if I’m going.

            A very important part when delivering a message is the language you use in them, the style in which you deliver it, and your use of visuals. The media guide and soccer schedule do a very good job at the use of their visuals and the style in which they draw you in. The action shots of the players are used to catch your attention and will eventually lead you to take a look at the schedule. The intended readers for these are anybody who wants to go out and watch soccer game. They are not really targeting anybody in particular. The video also uses very good use of their visuals and also delivers the recap very well. They play music which keeps you interested and adds excitement to particular moments in the game. This also does not target a particular group, it is meant to whoever is interested on how that Sacramento state Hornets did. The article only has one visual but delivers it good too, it is on the top of the page which usually makes it the first thing people see. The information within the article was delivered strong and used many examples which kept the reader entertained.

            The authors for the academic journal are Barry. P Boden, Donald T. Kirkendall, and William E. Garrett.  Barry P. Boden and William E. Garrett both received their PHDs and Donald T. Kirkendall received his MD. These are very credible sources due to their knowledge and the amount of evidence they showed. They proved that concussions is soccer are more common than expected and proclaimed. They studied seven mens and womans soccer teams and saw how many got concussions and what caused the concussions. There were twenty-nine athletes that eventually obtained a concussions and these men also figured out the cause of each concussions. The highlight video against UC Davis was mad by Bryson Hatano and he is also a very credible source. He has made many highlight videos for all sports here at Sacramento State and is an employee here at CSUS. The media guide and schedule is also very credible due to the fact that it was made by people here in our own athletic department. All the things it says within it is accurate and the schedule itself is also very true.

            The purpose of the media guide and schedule is to inform you about all the games throughout the season along with making you excited for the upcoming season. Which will hopefully persuade you to attend more games. The bright colors, bold face letters, and players catch your attention and the way its set up makes it look like an event that you would not want to miss. The highlight video also does a very good job at informing about the game. The purpose of the video is to give you an idea of how the game played out. Many things make the video effective. One of the main things that I have already mentioned is the music that is played throughout the video. It adds excitement to the viewer and it does a good job of informing you about the game. The purpose of the academic journal is too inform you about concussions in soccer and to give you an understanding on potentially how dangerous it can be. The amount of evidence the article had and the fact that they had an experiment made the article effective to me. It kept my attention throughout the whole article and did a good job of informing me as well.

            Out of the three genres I believe that the academic journal had the most effective message. I believe it had the most effective message because it covered a topic that many people think is important and it provides much evidence that give soccer players like me think twice before going in for a hard tackle. The genre that I thought gave the least effective message was the highlight video of Sacramento State versus UC Davis. I thought it was the weakest because it was just a highlight video and it was about a past event. I thought it did a very good job at informing the reader and keeping them entertained, but it definitely had the weakest message. The message of the video is simply the score of the game, which is why I believe it did have the weakest message. There are different genres that give the same message, but here are also many of the same type of genre that are very different and similar. This is the case because the information within that specific genre can be very different to what the other contains. The style of it could also make the difference on how the message is received which makes a total difference and makes both similar genres completely different.

            There is a huge difference between the genre, message, and delivery. The genre of is what type of text it is. For example, is it an ad, a paper, or article. The message is what information the type of genre was giving you, what was it persuading you to do. Finally the delivery is how the message was given. Did the genre have color? Bold face words? Did it catch my attention? All these questions are answered by the delivery of the genre. All three of these aspects work together to send across one message but are very different. Each one is very different and are all independently important when trying to send a message. But they cannot work without each other when trying to successfully send a message.

            I do believe that the types of texts we read do affect us both as individuals and a society. Reading makes you sad, angry, and sometimes even excited which may or may not affect your actions later. Some ads make us very angry and some ads make us want to jump out of our seat. Rarely do people go through reading a text or add without feeling some sort of emotion. Reading affects all of us wether we like it or not and is something that has gone on for many years and may more years to come.

Ivan Ramirez

 

English 1A

 

 

Movie Analysis

 

      All three movies were very different and had their own type of uniqueness to them. You could tell they were all from completely different time periods not just by the picture, but by also the type of music they played and a little by the plot. The one that was obviously the oldest was the Nosferatu. Nosferatu is a silent movie and was all black and white which indicated that it was from the early 1900's. It was very glimmer and the music in the background was the thing that built suspence throughout the movie. The clothes were very outdated and the acting was not the best. everything was overly dramatic and was easy to tell there was not much experience.

 

     The Shining was a more recent and had many aspects that proved it. The Shining did have dialogue and actually had color through it. The lighting was very bright throughout the movie and it also built suspence through music. As the parts throughout the movie got scarier, the music got louder. The camera angle was super close to everybody as well. The conjuring was the most recent out of the three movies and was personally the scariest to me. The lighting was dark due to the fact that it was night time, but it was bright enough to see everything. the camera angle was not too far from the characters but was also not too close. the acting was by far the best, the actors made it feel as if you were part of the experience and had you very in tuned and connected with the movie.

 



 

 

Ivan Ramirez

Peer Work Shop follow up

 

 

A.) I learned a lot from reading my classmates papers, the biggest thing I learned were some ideas on how to better my own. I saw some of the mistakes they did and some of the good things they did that I would like to change on my paper.

 

B.) The biggest suggestion that I had with my paper was formatting stuff, I did not use MLA format properly and my margins were not the right length. I also got told to fix some of the wording on my sentences and to add more detail on some parts of my paper.

 

C.) I agree with there comments because after re-reading my papers there are many things I need to fix that they mentioned. I will take it into consideration when writing my paper because it was good helpful advise that will make my paper better. They pointed out mistakes that need to be fixed. Like I said before, I did find the person helpful because I would have for sure missed some of the mistakes I committed if he did not point them out.

Ivan Ramirez

English 1A

3/3/14

Response 1

                The latest movie that I have seen I one of my classes was Fruitvale station by Ryan Coogler. It was for my first year seminar class last semester and we didn’t choose it. We had to write a cultural paper and that movie was what our paper was supposed to be about. I believe that Fruitvale station had many different messages and everybody has their own message that they got from the movie. The message that I got from it is that we have to stand up for each other and unite as one when bad things occur. After the incident that happened at the Bart station everybody stood up and let their voice be heard, there were many riots, and strikes that just showed how everybody was affected by the young man’s death. It was a movement against racism that everyone was speaking out too. There were many major events that happened throughout the movie, but the biggest part had to be the part were Oscar Grant, the main character, got shot in the back and ultimately died. He was a father who was trying to change is life and his life fatally ended one night on his way back home. This movie relates to me and many other people because it has to do with racism. I have personally gone through a lot of racism throughout my life since I am Mexican and many other people have gone through it too, no matter of what descent. There is still a lot of racism around the world which is how it relates to current events. I have seen many movies about racism but never one like this. I have only seen this movie once and haven’t seen many movies exactly like this one. Overall I really enjoyed this movie a lot and I recommend anybody who has not watched it, to watch it. I like it because it delivers a strong message and it allows you to see things in a different perspective.